A Special Place in God's Heart

"If God has a Special place in His heart for daughters who stay home under their fathers head ship until they marry then I want to be in that place. More then anything I want to please my Savior." ~Me 19

That's right. I use to think this. I use to think that God would be more pleased with me if I wore dress all the time. If I didn't wear makeup or draw attention to my self by being "to" pretty. I use to think I had a special place in God's heart because I home schooled and didn't go to youth group. I thought he smiled when I chose not to go to collage. Everytime I chose to not be "bold" in what I felt was God was saying to me, I thought he was pleased because I was a woman and easily deceived. Not making bold decisions was the submissive and good thing to do. Every time I told some one I "more than any thing I want to be a wife and mother" I made my God proud because it showed I wasn't one of those worldly girls who had ambition of her own (even though I did). I longed to be married because I felt I couldn't be fully pleasing in God's eyes until I was a wife and mom. "More than anything I wanted to please Him."

Well guess what? When it really came down to it I wanted marriage SO badly because I feared men rather than God. I knew God loved me but to be justified in the eyes of leaders and teachers I sat under I had to be married. Everyone always said to me "I can't wait until you get married Shannon, you will be such a great wife." Some who said that really meant it but somewhere along the way I got the idea that unless I was a wife and mom I could not fulfill my "highest" calling. So I was lesser in the eyes of God and others as well until I could fulfill that calling.

If I didn't wear makeup or draw attention to my self by being "to" pretty. Then I didn't have to fear that people would accuse me of being "prideful", "showy" or worse "immodest". I also didn't want to be a "stumbling block" by wearing a style that others thought was "to modern". Again. Fear of man. Bondage.


Some of those thoughts grew out of fear of man but some grew out of genuinely wanting to please God. I couldn't stand the thought of not being in that special place in His heart. If other girls were there I could make it too. I desperately wanted the security of knowing I was ok in His eyes.
Guess what? I never made it. I was never good enough to get to that special place. Every time I thought I was there, a new book or teaching on godly daughters came out and I realized it was yet higher. It was no longer good enough that I didn't go to collage, I also couldn't work a secular job. Then that wasn't enough I couldn't work a job out side the home at all. No matter what job it was. Then I wasn't good enough if I wasn't helping my Dad in his ministry. The list grew and grew. I tried and tried but soon I was tired. I hated feeling like a failure all the time. I began to think that I would just have to be ok with not having that special place. I was to sinful and weak to deserve it any ways.

This past year at Onething o9 in KC, God broke those bonds. I learned an amazing, beautiful, delightful, endearing truth about my King. He doesn't have a special place in His heart. Did you hear that? THE GOD OF LOVE DOESN'T HAVE A SPECIAL PLACE IN HIS HEART FOR ME TO EARN!!!!!!!!!!!! He is Love and in Jesus I'm perfect in His sight. Did I know this before? Yes. My whole life. But no one ever told me that He just really likes me. He just likes me. Likes me. That means I'm approved. Every time He looks at me even when I'm messing UP HE SMILES!!!!! He Likes me because He does. Just cause He is God and can do any thing He wants. He wants to like me just the way I am. Jesus took care of all the stuff He doesn't like and I can't make Him like me any more then He ALWAYS has. His Love is endless and he doesn't ration it out and give extra portions to those who earn it.

It is blasphemous to say His work on the cross was enough for salvation but now we must earn a special place in His love.

Fearing man rather than God even in "little things" is idolatry.



For the first time I understood these verses...

... our righteousness is as dirty rags before the Lord.

...Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?...

...Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. ...

... you make them to carry a burden they were not meant to bear...

...it was for freedom that He set us free...



My dear Sisters and Brothers,
I tell you my heart is more secure in His love now, while I stand in His freedom then it ever was when I tried to secure a place for my self in His heart. He invented freedom. Freedom does not stand against His will, it enables it.

He wants to be enough for you. Let Him.

Is your life this good?

So I have to say. I think I have the best life. Really, I hesitate to say this because I don't want people to feel I'm boasting or worse yet respond like I'm rubbing salt in the wounds they have because they hate their lives. I share this simply because I feel compelled to tell you the King IS that good.

I have doubted, as much as any one that His love could really be better then mine.
I have concisely looked at what is right and what was wrong and chosen wrong.
I have coddled my flesh and fought His refining fire.
I have put up idols and served them in my life and had the audacity to deny it to my Lord.
I have walked in fear of man rather than fear of God. I have judged and been guilty of murder.
I've put my self first over others more times then I can count.
I have turned a deaf hear to the cry of the afflicted and passed up many perfect opportunities to share my faith.
I've been a bad friend and a worse sister.I have sinned against my brothers in Christ and denied it.
I have accepted glory for my self that belonged to another.
I've been lazy and stubborn.
I've hid this all behind brilliant "save face" lies.

Still I can look you in the eyes and tell you, my life rocks.
I've learned...
My Kings Love is better than mine.
He is faithful when I'm not.
Giving up your way is ALWAYS worth it.
When you surrender He is always gentle.
Dieing to self and giving up your rights really is the most fulfilling.
Admitting your wrong heals you more than it heals the other person.
If you never turn your ear to the cries of the afflicted you will never know True Hope.
Repenting of the same sin over and over never gets old to the Lord. He wants you back every time.
He wants you even when you play the harlot and He finds other lovers in your bed.
He is not threatened by you. No matter what you can't do.
His Love is always enough and you can never get to much.
His Love is just.
There is no wrong His blood can't make right.
He is not a puppeteer, He loves us to much.
My heart He is always faithful to hold safe.
When your heart is safe it's ok if you body isn't.

Yes My King is that good and My life is the best I've ever heard of. I didn't always think it would be, but now I know that when you follow the King your life is never what you imagined, it's ALWAYS better. He promised. He is True. Those who follow Him are never in want, because Love is their reality.

Love is my reality and now I'm one of those who gets to go to the other side of the world on a prayer and a promise, totally secure in the arms of the Almighty.
Yeah my life Rocks.