My last days in China.... Oh I have come so far...
I’m not the same, I never will be again. The work Jesus did in me is so new and so irreversible. I love you My King my God. My Lord my redeemer. My Maker,
I want you forever more! I want you every day of my life.
I’m going back to the States... I have no idea what awaits me. I’m enjoying the bliss of no worries. The peace that surpasses understanding and feeling my weight in the hands of Grace. I’m a privileged daughter of the Most High King, all of heaven and earth is at my finger tip.
Rather than the anxiety that I felt last night I’m at perfect peace. Soon I will lift off and leave China, but not for good, the whole world is mine. I will be back one day to the lovely land of zhong guo, where my heart came alive and Father made me new, to the place I began to live again, the place I made real friends, the place my heart healed, the place I began living my dreams, the place my life started.
Zai Mei Guo I will still live. I will return not in defeat and not in fear but in victory and with great love. I’m a redeemed one, a living one, a made one. I am a royal daughter of the Most High I walk in authority and victory. I can and I will call down heaven when I need help. Daddy you always come through for me and I will forever be held in your hands. Nothing I can do will cause me to fall from Grace! At your feet is the same no matter what country I’m in. My place with You never changes. You are the same in D as you are in C-u.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Oh the Simplicity of the Gospel!
The goodness of the Father to reveal kingdom truths in every day life so simple we many times miss it or mock it. Father Holy One forgive us.
Brothers and sister the kingdom is not far off!! No it is near!! Oh it’s so simple and sweet! Let us not mock God and His kingdom by rejecting the simple truth because our pride makes us desire something that appears more spiritual then what the next person has. We strive after something that is unattainable all the while missing the simple life and love of our Maker.
Brothers and sister the kingdom is not far off!! No it is near!! Oh it’s so simple and sweet! Let us not mock God and His kingdom by rejecting the simple truth because our pride makes us desire something that appears more spiritual then what the next person has. We strive after something that is unattainable all the while missing the simple life and love of our Maker.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Eye Contact...
Today I passed some prostitutes on the street....
I made eye contact with one just long enough to see the familiar emptiness I expected.
I tried making eye contact with some of the others but they conveniently looked other directions.
In the past I have described my self as a spiritual harlot slave. 6 Months ago I too conveniently avoided eye contact. I knew that familiar voice and feeling in my chest that would come over me when I knew someone was trying to make eye contact with me. The voice that said if I looked they would see right through me and know my weakness and wrongs. The voice had been there so long that I no longer remembered at the moment what my weakness were. I didn’t know why I was afraid, I had been afraid so long it was just normal for me. I would go about my day mostly normal with the exception of the small sneaky lies anxiety attacks that kept me from looking people in the eye. This was the outward symptom of the giant monstrous root issue inside. I knew I had a problem but I was to over whelmed with life to know what to do about it.
The emptiness I saw in that woman's eyes was the same emptiness I saw in the eyes of the brown orphans I met in Africa. The same emptiness I had seen in many who have been abused. I don’t know if these woman are forced to work this job or if they choose it for them selves. I do know this. When you are a victim, being forced against your will to fulfill the demands of another... at some point you try to own some of it. Being forced against your will for so long eventually makes you want to bend your will to go along. It hurts less if you own part of it and can lie to your self about it being your choice. It makes you feel like you have a say.
One wonderful thing I now know about my Savior is that even when I choose to leave the hope of his promise for the bending of my will to go along with my captures, His heart yearns for me with great compassion. I never knew until this year that God had compassion toward me.
Through the process of His love and salvation I have come to a new place. A place of Grace. A place of strength. I can now look others in the eye. I can look the prostitutes in the eyes with nothing but empathy and compassion for them cause in many ways I know what it’s like to be ashamed, I also know what it’s like to have my shame removed and to know the perfect healing truth of love. Real love. Today I couldn’t help remember a time where I would have been afraid to make eye contact with a sinner like the girls I saw today, but now I know that they are just normal people, struggling with many of the same fears, sorrows and burdens anyone of use does on a normal day.
I don’t know the future, but I do know that there is a reason I can relate to prostitutes now more than ever.
I made eye contact with one just long enough to see the familiar emptiness I expected.
I tried making eye contact with some of the others but they conveniently looked other directions.
In the past I have described my self as a spiritual harlot slave. 6 Months ago I too conveniently avoided eye contact. I knew that familiar voice and feeling in my chest that would come over me when I knew someone was trying to make eye contact with me. The voice that said if I looked they would see right through me and know my weakness and wrongs. The voice had been there so long that I no longer remembered at the moment what my weakness were. I didn’t know why I was afraid, I had been afraid so long it was just normal for me. I would go about my day mostly normal with the exception of the small sneaky lies anxiety attacks that kept me from looking people in the eye. This was the outward symptom of the giant monstrous root issue inside. I knew I had a problem but I was to over whelmed with life to know what to do about it.
The emptiness I saw in that woman's eyes was the same emptiness I saw in the eyes of the brown orphans I met in Africa. The same emptiness I had seen in many who have been abused. I don’t know if these woman are forced to work this job or if they choose it for them selves. I do know this. When you are a victim, being forced against your will to fulfill the demands of another... at some point you try to own some of it. Being forced against your will for so long eventually makes you want to bend your will to go along. It hurts less if you own part of it and can lie to your self about it being your choice. It makes you feel like you have a say.
One wonderful thing I now know about my Savior is that even when I choose to leave the hope of his promise for the bending of my will to go along with my captures, His heart yearns for me with great compassion. I never knew until this year that God had compassion toward me.
Through the process of His love and salvation I have come to a new place. A place of Grace. A place of strength. I can now look others in the eye. I can look the prostitutes in the eyes with nothing but empathy and compassion for them cause in many ways I know what it’s like to be ashamed, I also know what it’s like to have my shame removed and to know the perfect healing truth of love. Real love. Today I couldn’t help remember a time where I would have been afraid to make eye contact with a sinner like the girls I saw today, but now I know that they are just normal people, struggling with many of the same fears, sorrows and burdens anyone of use does on a normal day.
I don’t know the future, but I do know that there is a reason I can relate to prostitutes now more than ever.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Truth
But what if Truth was not black and white....
What if it were a lie, a shadow, a haze to our vision that made us to see truth as black and white?
What if Truth was a myriad of glorious colors?
All swirling, mixing and enhancing each other.
What if truth was not black and white...
What if truth was music...
Full of passion, grace, life and love...
What if truth was not black and white...
What if it were motion....
A strong, pure, relentless dance
What if truth was not black and white...
What if truth was relationship
An embrace, that is warmth and safe
What if Truth was not harsh, was not shameful, was not an unreachable task master...
What if Truth was in fact full of life?
What if Truth made life, gave life, repaired life?
What if Truth was more than we dreamed?
What if Truth was all we needed?
What if Truth was sweet and safe?
What if Truth was actually all the life and love our abused broken hearts are in desperate need of?
What if Truth lead to life and not to death?
What if Truth was gentle?
What if Truth was not black and white?
Note: I'm not preaching that truth is relative, I'm simply stating that there is much more to truth than we may know. When I look at creation I see that God made many more colors than black and white. He made red and red no matter how you look at it is still red you can try to deny that it's red but that doesn't change the fact that it is still red. He also made blue, pink, purple, brown, grey, green.....
What if it were a lie, a shadow, a haze to our vision that made us to see truth as black and white?
What if Truth was a myriad of glorious colors?
All swirling, mixing and enhancing each other.
What if truth was not black and white...
What if truth was music...
Full of passion, grace, life and love...
What if truth was not black and white...
What if it were motion....
A strong, pure, relentless dance
What if truth was not black and white...
What if truth was relationship
An embrace, that is warmth and safe
What if Truth was not harsh, was not shameful, was not an unreachable task master...
What if Truth was in fact full of life?
What if Truth made life, gave life, repaired life?
What if Truth was more than we dreamed?
What if Truth was all we needed?
What if Truth was sweet and safe?
What if Truth was actually all the life and love our abused broken hearts are in desperate need of?
What if Truth lead to life and not to death?
What if Truth was gentle?
What if Truth was not black and white?
Note: I'm not preaching that truth is relative, I'm simply stating that there is much more to truth than we may know. When I look at creation I see that God made many more colors than black and white. He made red and red no matter how you look at it is still red you can try to deny that it's red but that doesn't change the fact that it is still red. He also made blue, pink, purple, brown, grey, green.....
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