This life I choose is the life I know,
Sorrows come and sorrows go
I will walk and I will fall
But this life is what I choose,
This life is what I know
This life is why I live
For a season I walk this earth
I will take my place and stand by birth.
I will sing life and love and peace and joy over mothers and their children.
No fear will I bring
Honor and trust will be in my hands
For the One who made life and for the ones who hold life
I’m a Midwife.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Once I Knew
Ever been stripped of everything? Really everything? I have been and this is where I find my self today...in a safe place.
ONCE I KNEW
Once upon a time I was smart.
I knew what I knew.
I knew where I was going and where I was not.
I knew oh so much about life, right and wrong.
Once upon a time I was far along the road of knowledge.
I knew oh so much.
I knew my theology, knew my thoughts
I knew my world, what was and what was not.
Once upon a time I knew where I was going.
I knew what I was doing.
I knew who I was and who I was not.
I knew all I needed to know and where I needed to go.
Now?
Now I don’t know,
I don’t know where I’m going
I don’t know much about life, right or wrong.
My theology fell apart, what was is now not.
What I knew I now know not.
But I know Love and I know Grace
I’m undone and eternally safe
I’m free to live free to be
Free to fail and free to succeed.
I’m undone, but now I know love and now I love grace.
When I knew, I was bond
When I was sure, I was wrong
I’m free now being undone in love
I’m secure now being engulfed in grace.
ONCE I KNEW
Once upon a time I was smart.
I knew what I knew.
I knew where I was going and where I was not.
I knew oh so much about life, right and wrong.
Once upon a time I was far along the road of knowledge.
I knew oh so much.
I knew my theology, knew my thoughts
I knew my world, what was and what was not.
Once upon a time I knew where I was going.
I knew what I was doing.
I knew who I was and who I was not.
I knew all I needed to know and where I needed to go.
Now?
Now I don’t know,
I don’t know where I’m going
I don’t know much about life, right or wrong.
My theology fell apart, what was is now not.
What I knew I now know not.
But I know Love and I know Grace
I’m undone and eternally safe
I’m free to live free to be
Free to fail and free to succeed.
I’m undone, but now I know love and now I love grace.
When I knew, I was bond
When I was sure, I was wrong
I’m free now being undone in love
I’m secure now being engulfed in grace.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Did you ever think?
Did you ever think this is where I would end up?
Did you ever think this would be me?
What you never knew always was
What you never saw was under the surface
Change? yes I did change
I through off my cover decided to be the real me
Did you ever think this would be me?
Did you ever know this was the real me?
I will not hesitate to walk away from religion every. time.
But this gospel is not of man it is of God. I will cling to my God but not to religion. Bust every box every stereo type every time. Forgive me Father, bring to You, let me loose of all that has abused.
Did you ever think this would be me?
What you never knew always was
What you never saw was under the surface
Change? yes I did change
I through off my cover decided to be the real me
Did you ever think this would be me?
Did you ever know this was the real me?
I will not hesitate to walk away from religion every. time.
But this gospel is not of man it is of God. I will cling to my God but not to religion. Bust every box every stereo type every time. Forgive me Father, bring to You, let me loose of all that has abused.
Friday, April 15, 2011
What shall I do?
As one who was groomed to be a fashioned one of religion.
I was shaped with words that claimed to be truth.
My world was one made of human hands and one that fell apart.
Now I find my self in reality and my former world of religion has no power.
Hold on to my God yes, but what else?
Truth as I believed it to be was not
Now how do I know?
I want to live in a real world.
I don’t want to be a wonderer without a home any more.
What I live and what I do must from now on be real.
I can’t live in a dream any more.
If reality can’t be changed by truth, then it’s a “truth” I refuse to believe.
Real life and real dreams and real people.
This will be my anthem
Real.
If it’s not real and can not change real life I can not embrace it.
Father forgive me if this is wicked. I’m tired of living in a dream land.
I need reality. I can not be removed from real life any more. I must know how to relate to real people in a real way they can see, hear, know, feel and touch. Please don’t ask me to believe in good ideas anymore. I need only what is real. You are the God of reality teach me what is real and what is not. I can’t be a “Christian” any more. not until I can be a real Christian.
What happens when you crave reality but all you have been feed is illusion?
Until I know what is real all else will have to wait.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
What...?
What happens when you just don’t like anything any more?
yeah i don’t know ether.
What happens when you as a person have been defined by things that don’t exist?
When you find out they don’t exist you feel as though you are no one any more.... how does one learn and define themselves when they are already grown....???
What culture am i from? i don’t know... I don’t like my cultural and i want to be part of the other one but I don’t fit in and I feel awkward there too... in between... will any one ever understand me? i really don’t know....I’m one with out a culture... this is the product of dead religion.
cultural nomad.... that is what I feel like....
I don’t want to be, I won’t be one forever. I will find my place in the world of people among those to I can connect with.
yeah i don’t know ether.
What happens when you as a person have been defined by things that don’t exist?
When you find out they don’t exist you feel as though you are no one any more.... how does one learn and define themselves when they are already grown....???
What culture am i from? i don’t know... I don’t like my cultural and i want to be part of the other one but I don’t fit in and I feel awkward there too... in between... will any one ever understand me? i really don’t know....I’m one with out a culture... this is the product of dead religion.
cultural nomad.... that is what I feel like....
I don’t want to be, I won’t be one forever. I will find my place in the world of people among those to I can connect with.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
More That I Must Speak...
Yes religion is this bad.
These writings are mine. My story. The cold hard truth of my life. I do not believe I'm the only one. It's simply needs to be said with no sugar coating. With these words I don't mean to shame or to place guilt. It is simply my story and the story of many of us who grew up in bondage.
The temple
I have served as a temple harlot.
“What?” you say, “ I thought you were a Christian!”
So did I.
I thought I served One God but truly I served the lust of man.
I willingly surrendered to the lies
Giving my soul on the alter of religion.
Daily I was abused in the name of love.
Housed in a fine beautiful temple, given every comfort but denied every right.
I slept on silk and heard soft whispers from every man who came to me,
Yet my arms and legs were always bound.
I tried to be good. I did. I tried to accept my lot with a smile and discipline my heart to be submissive, but when a gazelle is made to run and live free,
The sweetest bondage is still bondage.
A prison cell will always be a prison cell.
A temple, a temple
Religion, will always be religion
Demanding the right to the soul.
Have pity Father,
I need a Savior.
Why are we leaving
Why are we growing up and leaving?
What does a flower do when it’s given just enough sunlight and water to survive but not to blossom?
It’s a mean curl joke to give life to a daughter then denier her the right to it,
Treated as the second class human that we are not.
Our souls have been starved, abused and enslaved!!
By the ones we know love us.
It’s a wicked joke.
Just give us time.
We need to sit in the sun and soak up the good rain.
We need freedom to find who we are.
Don’t call us back,
Don’t try to shame or guilt us.
If or when we come back it will be after we know who we are and it will be our choice.
We will choose for our selves what we will do and what we will not.
We will live life with every right we were ever denied
Don’t try to stop us.
We are gone.
Let us go.
Jesus Christ Save me.
A wicked sinner and broken temple harlot I am,
Giving my self to idols supposing to be serving you.
Willingly surrendering my heart and soul day by day to man after man who came preaching lies.
I have no more strength to see or to know
I’m confused and can’t figure it out
I’m tired of trying
Let me sleep
Heal my spirt Father
You alone do I trust.
Religion
Oppressors are all the same...
They whisper their lies slowly at first until you begin to understand and believe them.
They demand what is not theirs, but because you understand their lies you yield thinking you must to survive.
They give themselves the right to your heart, soul and body, thinking you belong to them and they can take all they want.
In the dark and silent place they crush and smoother.
By this time your voice is gone and you scream in silence.
I will not be one who goes down under their power.
My silent scream will be heard
I will no longer be one who dies in silence...
This voice will be heard a small week whisper at first but heard it will be
I will reach for hope and lay hold of it
Never letting go
Wrestling with it through the night Hope is mine.
I will hold on.
The Liberator is.
Seeing the oppressor and dyeing for the oppressed
He comes knowing full well how oppressors work.
The true Liberator also knows full well how to set the oppressed free
Heart
Soul
And body
His healing salve is like no other. It works perfectly...
But being one who loves and honors He sets free and waits for His rescued ones to ask and want his healing.
He is not like the oppressor doing what He wills to the weak.
This Weak one has been liberated and is learning how to live again.
Learning to dream again.
Learning what freedom is again.
Learning about what is inside and out side.
Life is what? This is the question I have and answer I don’t.
Freedom is to sweet to believe at first.
Now I believe it but know not how to live it.
Day by day I will learn more about freedom,
About beauty, love, life and all else I do not know.
My heart is hungry...
Now I will feast on what I have not known.
This hungry heart is...on a quest
It will learn to learn again...
It will to learn to love again...
To learn what it likes and dislikes are again...
To learn what it was meant to be
To learn to dance again...
Leave it all behind I must!
To be free to be free
For so long bondage lied to me
Saying comfort was worth the prison cell.
No more.
I’m walking out.
I’m gone.
Being accustomed to dry bead and water I will feast on all things good.
My senses will learn to discover again.
I will feast until I’m well rounded and nurtured again.
My hungry Soul I will not be denied now, the fast is broken, it’s time to feast.
These writings are mine. My story. The cold hard truth of my life. I do not believe I'm the only one. It's simply needs to be said with no sugar coating. With these words I don't mean to shame or to place guilt. It is simply my story and the story of many of us who grew up in bondage.
The temple
I have served as a temple harlot.
“What?” you say, “ I thought you were a Christian!”
So did I.
I thought I served One God but truly I served the lust of man.
I willingly surrendered to the lies
Giving my soul on the alter of religion.
Daily I was abused in the name of love.
Housed in a fine beautiful temple, given every comfort but denied every right.
I slept on silk and heard soft whispers from every man who came to me,
Yet my arms and legs were always bound.
I tried to be good. I did. I tried to accept my lot with a smile and discipline my heart to be submissive, but when a gazelle is made to run and live free,
The sweetest bondage is still bondage.
A prison cell will always be a prison cell.
A temple, a temple
Religion, will always be religion
Demanding the right to the soul.
Have pity Father,
I need a Savior.
Why are we leaving
Why are we growing up and leaving?
What does a flower do when it’s given just enough sunlight and water to survive but not to blossom?
It’s a mean curl joke to give life to a daughter then denier her the right to it,
Treated as the second class human that we are not.
Our souls have been starved, abused and enslaved!!
By the ones we know love us.
It’s a wicked joke.
Just give us time.
We need to sit in the sun and soak up the good rain.
We need freedom to find who we are.
Don’t call us back,
Don’t try to shame or guilt us.
If or when we come back it will be after we know who we are and it will be our choice.
We will choose for our selves what we will do and what we will not.
We will live life with every right we were ever denied
Don’t try to stop us.
We are gone.
Let us go.
Jesus Christ Save me.
A wicked sinner and broken temple harlot I am,
Giving my self to idols supposing to be serving you.
Willingly surrendering my heart and soul day by day to man after man who came preaching lies.
I have no more strength to see or to know
I’m confused and can’t figure it out
I’m tired of trying
Let me sleep
Heal my spirt Father
You alone do I trust.
Religion
Oppressors are all the same...
They whisper their lies slowly at first until you begin to understand and believe them.
They demand what is not theirs, but because you understand their lies you yield thinking you must to survive.
They give themselves the right to your heart, soul and body, thinking you belong to them and they can take all they want.
In the dark and silent place they crush and smoother.
By this time your voice is gone and you scream in silence.
I will not be one who goes down under their power.
My silent scream will be heard
I will no longer be one who dies in silence...
This voice will be heard a small week whisper at first but heard it will be
I will reach for hope and lay hold of it
Never letting go
Wrestling with it through the night Hope is mine.
I will hold on.
The Liberator is.
Seeing the oppressor and dyeing for the oppressed
He comes knowing full well how oppressors work.
The true Liberator also knows full well how to set the oppressed free
Heart
Soul
And body
His healing salve is like no other. It works perfectly...
But being one who loves and honors He sets free and waits for His rescued ones to ask and want his healing.
He is not like the oppressor doing what He wills to the weak.
This Weak one has been liberated and is learning how to live again.
Learning to dream again.
Learning what freedom is again.
Learning about what is inside and out side.
Life is what? This is the question I have and answer I don’t.
Freedom is to sweet to believe at first.
Now I believe it but know not how to live it.
Day by day I will learn more about freedom,
About beauty, love, life and all else I do not know.
My heart is hungry...
Now I will feast on what I have not known.
This hungry heart is...on a quest
It will learn to learn again...
It will to learn to love again...
To learn what it likes and dislikes are again...
To learn what it was meant to be
To learn to dance again...
Leave it all behind I must!
To be free to be free
For so long bondage lied to me
Saying comfort was worth the prison cell.
No more.
I’m walking out.
I’m gone.
Being accustomed to dry bead and water I will feast on all things good.
My senses will learn to discover again.
I will feast until I’m well rounded and nurtured again.
My hungry Soul I will not be denied now, the fast is broken, it’s time to feast.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)