Birthday

So here I am about to turn 24 looking back over my life I feel the need to reflect. to take in to account and record how I view my life.
First I will list my expectations... When I was younger I fully expected to be married and have at least 2 kids by now. Yes and I thought that would enable me to be on the M field. However if I go farther back to before I had that expectation I will find my self at 12 years old ready to take the world by storm. I never dreamed of being married and didn’t think about having kids. I was going to change the world single handedly. just after 12years old... I think I was 15 I started getting smarter and becoming a better person. While I know my heart was sincere and I know God was gentle with me, I began to listen to the voice of fear, religion, and pride. I was still ready to take the world by storm but now I began to think that a husband was necessary to complete my value and place as a woman. I also filled my head with all kinds of lies that feed my pride. My nose grew long and my gaze went down. I gave fear reign of my mind and was haled as such a good girl and such a good daughter. It was around this time that I began to die on the inside. Religion always brings death. So began the long years of me trying to be some one I wasn’t. At the age of 24 I’m finally starting to come alive. I met Jesus and He saved me. I’m learning who I am, I’m learning how to talk to guys. I’m learning what I like and don’t like. I’m learning that Grace holds me, I don’t hold grace. All the dreams I built up for my self the first 23 years have fallen apart. All I thought I knew about God and the Bible have also crumbled around my feet. I’m rebuilding my life and my dreams. I’m rebuilding who I am, and who I want to be. I’m not married in fact I have not met a guy since R. In many ways I’m behind and playing catch up but I’m so glad I’m free. I know if I had chosen to stay in bondage I would still be sure of my self and comfortable. When given the choice though I chose freedom. As much as I feel like a fish out of water I would choose freedom again and again. I never want to live a bluff again, it cost me everything. Don’t ever want to do that again. I may not be liked. I may not be understood, but it is my prayer that I’m at the every least honest. I know and trust What God put in my heart. He did a very good job making me, one day I will be some one I like and some one who is all she is meant to be. Someday I may even get married. Someday...but for today.... I’m so glad I’m free.