Sometimes Missionaries Drink Beer...

In Asia for 5 weeks. Learning the language. Going to T dancing at the collage. Eating shou kou and drinking beer. I’m a Missionary.

Have you ever gone to a park to play Ultimate Frisbee or some other game and when you arrived found out that your team has decided not to run, just cause they don’t like to? They just want to walk. The other team is still going to run. Will you get any where? You for sure won’t be able to win. Is the game even worth playing at that point?

I’ve been over sees on several short trips. I was VERY blessed to have gone with teams that wanted to run in the game. They went with the mind set that we are coming to bless the people of that country. We will bend. We will meet them where they are at. We will wash their feet. We will eat what is before us with chopsticks and not even mutter a word of complaint. We will use a squatty potty. We will take cold showers and be great full that we at least have clean water.... I took it for granted that all missionaries have this mind set.

Last night was the best night since I’ve been here. I went with my room mates to the collage campus to the T dancing. All kinds of T people show up for the dancing each week. They play traditional T music and young and old stand in a circle and dance the old folk dances of their people. When foreigners show up they gather around us after the songs and ask us how we like their dances. Their eyes are bright and hopeful that we approve. I like T dancing, and told them so. I was tired and wanted to leave early, but I knew it was time for me to grit my teeth and press onward. After the dancing ended a few of our new T friends invited us to go out for shou kou. A street food that is only served at night. It’s all kinds of veggies and meat grilled with a specific blend of spices, on a stick. It’s very good. There were four T's and 5 of us foreigners. When we arrived our T friends ordered a ton of food and and 5 beers. They passed out small paper cups and filled them each with beer. Before we even sat down some of the other foreigners were actting stiff. They had kind of been stiff the whole time but I don’t think I noticed until they were sitting next to me. Some of them started making comments in english and their body language was very much saying they were only here because they felt obligated. Some of them even said so. Instead of making the most out of it, smiling and enjoying at least the friendship they just close off. They didn’t smile. Didn’t try to join in the conversation. It became very awkward very fast. I felt bad and wished I spoke more of the language so I could lighten the mood in some way. Being the newbie I had spent the last few weeks watching from the side lines. After all I didn’t speak the language. This time however I knew it was time to jump in. I knew I had a choice. I could enjoy this time and these people, use the little bit of language I knew, risk looking like a fool and being made fun of, or I could be stiff and reluctant like the rest. I could make an effort to meet them where they were at or I could stay in my comfort zone. My conscience told me it was time to leave self behind and follow in the foot steps of my King. I jumped in. I eat the food let them know I enjoyed it. Sipped the beer out of my small paper cup and did my best to join in the conversation. At one point the girl sitting next to me filled my cup, (about an ounce.) and asked me to do a “shot” with her ( I kind of giggled thinking that collage students in the states do this with strong alcohol and here my T friends did it with very week beer.) I said ok and downed the whole ounce. This got a cheer from that side of the table. Then one of the other girls asked me to do one with her. I did, and another cheer went up. Then they all stared at me with wide eyes. One of the girls then said. “You are like a T!! You like our beer and you like to laugh and sing!! "(they had taught us some of their traditional songs and I did my best to sing along.) This was a great complement to me. I think the best I have received since I arrived. That was my goal. I wanted them to know I valued them, their culture, and that I wanted to learn about them. The girl next to me then asked me and my room mate what religion we belonged to. We said we were Christians. She said she was T B but then asked us if she could go to our place of worship with us some time, she didn't ask the others, just us, we said yes. We exchanged phone numbers and said good night. Next week we fully intend to go back, dance, and go out afterwards.The culture says that it’s now our turn to pay and that we have to top what they did, ie. buy more food, spend more money. So I will penny pinch this week and do the culturally polite thing. I will do my best to live Christianity, love my King and love my neighbor as my self. I will listen to that still small voice inside and ask Him to help me be as gentle as a dove and wise as a serpent.

I don’t share this to point to my self and how great of a missionary I am. I share this as a testimony. If it was not for the careful teaching of my King from a young age I wouldn't know what I know. He is the one who taught me the importance of relationship. He taught me to meet them where they are, by meeting me where I am at. Day in day out. He comes to me first. While I was still a sinner He died for me. Why were the other missionaries so stiff? I don't know. I've never met them before. Maybe they have been hurt. Maybe they are just scared. Maybe they want to love but haven't been taught how to. After wards I asked my room mate If I was missing some thing. Did the other missionaries know something I didn't? She said no and thanked me for doing what I did. It encouraged her not to give in to the peer pressure.

And just incase any of you were wondering. I didn’t get drunk or even tipsy. My Daddy’s kind teaching voice in my head reminded me to keep track of my ounces, and say “no more thank you” before I hit my limit. He taught me well.

**Because of security I can not say where I am or the peoples group I'm working with.**

What is Christianity all about any way?

What is Christianity all about anyway? What are we on this earth for? Those of you that have been taught the right answer will answer “To follow God and bring Him glory”
What that really means to most of us is “to do my duty and follow Christ because I know better then to choose any other religion, I payed attention in my apologetics class. I know I have fire insurance if I’m a christian.” What about bringing him Glory? “ Well I will do my best to imitate Christ and learn the lessons He sends my way.”
This is what I use to think. Surrender was hard, I didn’t like it. I was scared what God would do with my life if I really gave it up. I was sure my life would be one long continues struggle trying harder each day to be like Christ. It wore me out just to think of it. Surly I would fail. I would disappoint God. How does one endure the disappointment of the Almighty? I could not understand I still thought I needed to add to my righteousness. I didn’t understand that my Kings work needs nothing from me. My Kings work is complete and solid.
Here I am in Asia. I living with 9 other people in a city of about 10 Million. My King has been speaking and reminding me of the very basic foundation of my Faith. My faith is complete in Jesus. Why did Jesus come and pay our debt? Why did He finish our faith? Why did he come to earth as a servant?

“For God so loved the world He gave His only begotten Son....”
“While we were yet sinners and enemies of the Most High He died for us...”
“God is Love...”
“The first commandment is that you love the Lord your God with all your heart all your soul, all your mind and all your strength...”

Christianity is about Love. It’s about first knowing the Fathers love. It’s about knowing you are secure in Him fully and completely. It’s not about you telling your self a million times hoping you will remember. It’s about know His love because you know Him. Do you know Him? If some one told you He didn’t loved you would you doubt? Or would you know it a lie because the day in day out reality of your life is that you live in the love and acceptance of the King? What if every pastor and teacher in your life told you you must earn a special place in Gods heart by doing a list of do’s and don’ts. Would you know it to be false because His spirit bears witness in you? Dear brothers and Sisters, I beg you, turn and see the King, His love is pursuing you fiercely, He moved heaven and earth to come after you. Know Him. Know his love not because some teacher told you but because He told you.
Here in an unreached country the Spirit is bearing witness in me. I walk down these streets and I see the Kings jealous love winning back His kids. I don’t see do’s and don’ts working. I see the King working. I see people changing because the Kings work is perfect. All He does never fails.
Does your theology tell you about the heart of the Father, or does the heart of the Father teach you your theology? One will produce a dead religion. The other will bring the Kingdom of heaven to earth.
I now know the love of my King. I find the greatest joy in surrender and lying down my life. I welcome Him because He has won my heart by His never ending faithfulness. His kindness has brought me to repentance. I rest in His love, gentle mercy, and the knowledge that He poured all His wrath out on Jesus and has none left for me. My Savior Redeemer King. His redemption is alive and well in the lives of His saints. His love is thick in this place. He is bringing in the harvest. He is winning his Kids back. He is having His way, He is wooing and winning His bride!

Lift your eyes, lift your hearts! The King of glory is coming back!

Not Married

"The more your father and I learn the more we believe that you being on the mission field will be with your husband"

I squirmed at these words when I was 14, dreaming of the work my King had called me to. These words seemed to take all the fun out of it. Who wanted to wait until they were married to save the world? I sure didn't, but mom said it so it must be true. I did want to do the right thing. So that was that. I was going to have to wait until I was married until I could go to the field.

"Why doesn't that guy show up?! I have a lot to do! The world is waiting and my King told me to go!! If I have to wait for a man I better not have to wait very long. I know, God must want me to marry young. Well that didn't work out. I must not be ready. Gosh, I'm still not ready? I know for a fact that I'm more mature then that girl and she is getting married. It's been 10 years since I knew the call. Why hasn't that guy shown up yet? At this rate I'll never make it to the mission field. Or worse yet I'll get to impatient and marry some one who appears to be all ready to go but turns out to be a couch potato. I don't know any real missions minded men anyway. They are all married or on the field, cause they don't have to wait for a godly head before they can go. That's really not fair. God why don't you tell them to take wives first!?"

Many more times my mom would say things to me like "Now Shannon before you get all set on marrying a missionary you should remember your first calling is to be a wife and mom. Maybe God just wants you to marry a man with good character and doesn't know anything about missions. You might have to settle for a guy who is open to missions." I tried arguing but it was no use. It's not easy to beat mom when you are 16 and really don't want to be disrespectful. (note, God is good and both my parents are in full support of this venture. I'm not the only one He talks to around here)

Everything in me revolted at the idea that I've been waiting this whole time to marry a man so I could go and now I may have to settle for some one who was only "open" to the idea? I lived and breathed this stuff!! While other girls dream of a home of their own I dream of fighting on the front line. I dream of taking back the strong holds of the enemy. My fight was growing antsy having to wait. I'm a goer and fighter.

In less then 2 weeks I'm moving to Asia by my self. No I'm not married. No I'm not going with my Dad. Yes I'm going long term. Do you know why? Because my King said to. That's right My King whom I was suppose to marry before I go to please, lined every thing up super naturally for me at this time and spoke to me saying "It's time girl I'm taking you with me and we are going." "For how long Lord? Surely you don't want me to go for very long I'm not married." "Shannon did you hear me? I said it's time! Remember I said and you've been waiting. I know you aren't married. I want you now as you are. You don't need to do anything before you can follow me. It's ok I'm saying you can go now. No more waiting. I'm not hindered by your singleness. I have work for you now. Come on it's ok with me. Let's go!" "Really? It's ok with you that I'm not married? You want to use me all by myself? I'm enough as I am?" "I will be your Protecter and Provider, come on it's ok this is My mission and I want you now. Let's go!" "ok then if you say so... when should I tell them I'm coming back?" "Ah I'm not going to tell you until it's time." "What? This is to good to be true!! No returen date? Every one will know how crazy I am then. I won't be able to contain my excitment. NO RETURN TICKET?!?!? Surely this isn't right I must be hearing you wrong Lord. I'm not married remember? I'm only half of what I should be." " No Shannon you are just what I've made you to be. I've been getting you ready. I want to be your all and I want you to know that I don't need you to be married. I'm going to use you now."

About then is when I fell on my face. To over come with gratitude, love, peace, relief and excitement to say anymore. I wept and said over and over, "My God you're so good to me! So good to me!! My God you're so good to me!!! My God, My God thank you! Thank you!"

So I'm going to Asia without a return ticket. I keep pinching my self. This is to good to be true. I don't need to be married to be used by my God, I don't have to be married to answer His call. I'm ok just the way I am.

So I'll see ya'll I'm headed off the other side of the world with my King and only my King. I'm not afraid to let him be my all now. He doesn't care that I'm not married. I'm ok. This is ok. He is so good to me. Always faithful. He can not lie! His ways are not our ways. I can't wait to see what He does!!
(Besides what would I do with a husband? Pack Him in my suit case? Then what? Not sure... good thing I don't have one yet! )

Brothers and Sister, He is enough. Let Him take you as you are.

A Special Place in God's Heart

"If God has a Special place in His heart for daughters who stay home under their fathers head ship until they marry then I want to be in that place. More then anything I want to please my Savior." ~Me 19

That's right. I use to think this. I use to think that God would be more pleased with me if I wore dress all the time. If I didn't wear makeup or draw attention to my self by being "to" pretty. I use to think I had a special place in God's heart because I home schooled and didn't go to youth group. I thought he smiled when I chose not to go to collage. Everytime I chose to not be "bold" in what I felt was God was saying to me, I thought he was pleased because I was a woman and easily deceived. Not making bold decisions was the submissive and good thing to do. Every time I told some one I "more than any thing I want to be a wife and mother" I made my God proud because it showed I wasn't one of those worldly girls who had ambition of her own (even though I did). I longed to be married because I felt I couldn't be fully pleasing in God's eyes until I was a wife and mom. "More than anything I wanted to please Him."

Well guess what? When it really came down to it I wanted marriage SO badly because I feared men rather than God. I knew God loved me but to be justified in the eyes of leaders and teachers I sat under I had to be married. Everyone always said to me "I can't wait until you get married Shannon, you will be such a great wife." Some who said that really meant it but somewhere along the way I got the idea that unless I was a wife and mom I could not fulfill my "highest" calling. So I was lesser in the eyes of God and others as well until I could fulfill that calling.

If I didn't wear makeup or draw attention to my self by being "to" pretty. Then I didn't have to fear that people would accuse me of being "prideful", "showy" or worse "immodest". I also didn't want to be a "stumbling block" by wearing a style that others thought was "to modern". Again. Fear of man. Bondage.


Some of those thoughts grew out of fear of man but some grew out of genuinely wanting to please God. I couldn't stand the thought of not being in that special place in His heart. If other girls were there I could make it too. I desperately wanted the security of knowing I was ok in His eyes.
Guess what? I never made it. I was never good enough to get to that special place. Every time I thought I was there, a new book or teaching on godly daughters came out and I realized it was yet higher. It was no longer good enough that I didn't go to collage, I also couldn't work a secular job. Then that wasn't enough I couldn't work a job out side the home at all. No matter what job it was. Then I wasn't good enough if I wasn't helping my Dad in his ministry. The list grew and grew. I tried and tried but soon I was tired. I hated feeling like a failure all the time. I began to think that I would just have to be ok with not having that special place. I was to sinful and weak to deserve it any ways.

This past year at Onething o9 in KC, God broke those bonds. I learned an amazing, beautiful, delightful, endearing truth about my King. He doesn't have a special place in His heart. Did you hear that? THE GOD OF LOVE DOESN'T HAVE A SPECIAL PLACE IN HIS HEART FOR ME TO EARN!!!!!!!!!!!! He is Love and in Jesus I'm perfect in His sight. Did I know this before? Yes. My whole life. But no one ever told me that He just really likes me. He just likes me. Likes me. That means I'm approved. Every time He looks at me even when I'm messing UP HE SMILES!!!!! He Likes me because He does. Just cause He is God and can do any thing He wants. He wants to like me just the way I am. Jesus took care of all the stuff He doesn't like and I can't make Him like me any more then He ALWAYS has. His Love is endless and he doesn't ration it out and give extra portions to those who earn it.

It is blasphemous to say His work on the cross was enough for salvation but now we must earn a special place in His love.

Fearing man rather than God even in "little things" is idolatry.



For the first time I understood these verses...

... our righteousness is as dirty rags before the Lord.

...Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?...

...Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. ...

... you make them to carry a burden they were not meant to bear...

...it was for freedom that He set us free...



My dear Sisters and Brothers,
I tell you my heart is more secure in His love now, while I stand in His freedom then it ever was when I tried to secure a place for my self in His heart. He invented freedom. Freedom does not stand against His will, it enables it.

He wants to be enough for you. Let Him.

Is your life this good?

So I have to say. I think I have the best life. Really, I hesitate to say this because I don't want people to feel I'm boasting or worse yet respond like I'm rubbing salt in the wounds they have because they hate their lives. I share this simply because I feel compelled to tell you the King IS that good.

I have doubted, as much as any one that His love could really be better then mine.
I have concisely looked at what is right and what was wrong and chosen wrong.
I have coddled my flesh and fought His refining fire.
I have put up idols and served them in my life and had the audacity to deny it to my Lord.
I have walked in fear of man rather than fear of God. I have judged and been guilty of murder.
I've put my self first over others more times then I can count.
I have turned a deaf hear to the cry of the afflicted and passed up many perfect opportunities to share my faith.
I've been a bad friend and a worse sister.I have sinned against my brothers in Christ and denied it.
I have accepted glory for my self that belonged to another.
I've been lazy and stubborn.
I've hid this all behind brilliant "save face" lies.

Still I can look you in the eyes and tell you, my life rocks.
I've learned...
My Kings Love is better than mine.
He is faithful when I'm not.
Giving up your way is ALWAYS worth it.
When you surrender He is always gentle.
Dieing to self and giving up your rights really is the most fulfilling.
Admitting your wrong heals you more than it heals the other person.
If you never turn your ear to the cries of the afflicted you will never know True Hope.
Repenting of the same sin over and over never gets old to the Lord. He wants you back every time.
He wants you even when you play the harlot and He finds other lovers in your bed.
He is not threatened by you. No matter what you can't do.
His Love is always enough and you can never get to much.
His Love is just.
There is no wrong His blood can't make right.
He is not a puppeteer, He loves us to much.
My heart He is always faithful to hold safe.
When your heart is safe it's ok if you body isn't.

Yes My King is that good and My life is the best I've ever heard of. I didn't always think it would be, but now I know that when you follow the King your life is never what you imagined, it's ALWAYS better. He promised. He is True. Those who follow Him are never in want, because Love is their reality.

Love is my reality and now I'm one of those who gets to go to the other side of the world on a prayer and a promise, totally secure in the arms of the Almighty.
Yeah my life Rocks.

For Daughters...

OH MY!!!
I can't believe I have never heard of this blog before!!!! If your are a girl who grew up in the Homeschool movement you HAVE to see this blog!

http://quiveringdaughters.blogspot.com/

Also this is the best podcast on the matter that I have ever heard! My heart and thoughts exactly!!! Talk about conformation!

http://www.thatmom.com/?p=4807

Please read and listen and tell me what you think!

Have you ever been to Africa?

Have you ever been to Africa? No? Ah well someday I will take you.
You will see poverty like you never imagined.
You will see beauty and grace only known in dreams when you watch a giraffe run.
You will see Oppression's ugly face, unveiled and unashamed.
You will see the little black eyes that tell stories with no words.
Illiteracy will no longer be a concept, it will be a face.
You will shake hundreds of brown hands and your heart will be stained by them.
White smiles will cut you deep.
When your heart has hurt deeper than you thought possible and you have loved strangers deeper than you thought you ever would, you will reach out to help. You will pour out your heart and it will not even wet the dry cracked ground. Then you will know hopelessness.
Just when you think you can bear no more and feel you will die from the weight, the King will call your name. He will take you outside of yourself and show you where He is pouring out His heart. Then you will know Hope.

Adoption

Adoption is a bid deal for me and this is why...

When the Lord started opening my eyes to see His Kingdom at work in my mid teens and how we are called to fight, I saw adoption near the top of how He wants us to further His Kingdom. Over the years I have known many families who have adopted. I know many families who are adopting now and let me tell you it's hard stuff, but war is never easy.
I distinctly remember the moment it clicked for me. I was thinking about missions and the Kingdom growing. I was dreaming of the day my Kings global take over would be complete when it hit me there are Millions of people who are in a state of being victims because of the blows of the enemy in this battle. They are orphans. Children were not made to be orphans, they are a direct product of the fall. My King is all about taking back that ground. So I say why not go snatch those kids out of the enemy's teeth? huh? They are the King's anyway? He told us to do it. Let's get it done. When I think of adoption I don't think of a couple who can't have kids so they adopt. I don't think of people who just want to be nice to an orphan because they feel bad. I don't think of a bunch of warm fuzzys. Believe me I've seen enough to know that adoption is not all picture perfect and happy endings. What adoption is though, is a perfect shot at the enemy's forces. When I hear the word adoption I picture a sniper picking off the "bad guys" one at a time. The "bad guys" are defenceless against it's deadly accuracy. Each shot when done in the Spirits leading is advancing the Lord's army. Adoption is hard work. Just as any sniper, Navy Seal or the like must go through the most excruciating training and give up all comfort to be able to execute their jobs so must we. After all our King did for us. He suffered on our behalf and asks us to follow Him. It's time to pick up our cross and get on it. We are taking over this place. The enemy has no right to hang around doing his thing, our King is the Boss. I'm lining up my cross hairs. The enemy won't advance on my watch. Who's with me?

This is my Reality...

Love knows me, I'm not hidden from Him. Love is my fortress. Love has been my shield. The enemy's blows have come hard but Love holds me fast. Love is my victory. Love has made me for Himself and I am His. Love has healed me, strengthened me and pursued me. The way of My King is Love. My identity is in Him. MY every need he provides. I lack nothing for I am Love's and He is mine. I belong to Love.

This is my reality, I lived in it yesterday and today and will tomorrow. My reality is Love.

Holistic God

So I've been thinking again. While making coffee and tea at the same time I often solve the worlds problems, and then sit down to enjoy my coffee and wonder who left the tea pot on...

Anyway, I've written about my experience at Onething this past January and the other day I remembered one more thing that clicked for me while I was there, although it didn't really occur to me until just the other day. Again proof that the Lord's Spirit will minister to us with out us being fully aware.

This is the thought that came to me. Our God is holistic in His dealings with us. Growing up in mostly conservative circles I heard the "Don't trust your emotions they will lead you astray!" message more then once. It was fully ingrained in my thinking. I lived in a constant battle trying to push away my emotions every time a felt I needed to hear from God or was seeking an answer from Him on an issue. My family is pretty good about being real with each other and having a good cry when we need to or saying that we are mad or frustrated. My parents have always know the value of venting to a safe person and letting their kids know they have the freedom to do that when they need to. When it came to my relationship with God some how I felt I needed to "be sure my emotions didn't get in the way". This came directly form many of the teachers I sat under. Looking back I can see it clearly. The unsaid thought behind this is... "We have seen the works of the Spirit abused, we've seen people all hyped up, we've seen pressure and guilt make people act weird and no good fruit comes of it. That can't be of God." "All these people who are charismatic are a bunch of loonies hyped on emotion. I don't under stand all this "Works of the Spirit" stuff as they say. I don't think God does that any more. I don't feel anything." Well I would agree that it has been abused. The next step in that line of thinking is however "my mind and rational is more trust worthy then my emotions or feelings" THAT IS THE EROR. We are fallen people our minds are just as messed up as our emotions. If we try to down play our emotions as if they are not as important, never addressing them in our walk with the Lord or thinking that He doesn't value them equally as our minds we are gravely mistaken. We are then left to assume that we must continue to feed out minds on the word but starve our emotions cause they don't really count and only get in the way. That's FALSE. Plain and simple that's a lie. Our God made every part of us. Our mind effects our body and our body effects our emotions and so on... He made us COMPLETE human beings. All three parts working together weather we see it or not. When He teaches us, heals us, refines us... He wants to do it to the whole of us. We don't have to hide or suppress any part of us with Him. He is God enough over the falleness of our minds, bodies and hearts. None of our junk is to much for Him, emotional, mental, spiritual or physical. Did we forget... He was the one who made us? He can handle us. Our King however will not abuse the human heart. We have to surrender our emotions, minds and bodies to Him before He will take the liberty to touch and change. He is the perfect Gentleman.
(and gosh do I love Him for it!)

Homeschool Dropouts

Originally posted to my Homeschool Alumni blog.



http://westernconservatory.com/products/homeschool-dropouts
I just ran across this trailer in the round table. I have a few things to say about it.


A large reason these people are seeing so many homeschool "dropout" is because the very same people that are saying we need to "take back the culture" (namely Vision forum and the like in the Trailer) Are also the same ones teaching the extreme version of isolationism, sheltering, and parental control. DUH! THE KIDS GREW UP AND DON'T KNOW HOW TO ENGAGE THE CULTURE!!!(sorry that was an out burst of anger) These kids know deep down inside that they are lacking in social skills, that they lack vision (because God forbid they have a different vision then their parents) and are unequipped to "engage the culture".

I want to make a point, that years ago the movement "leaders" (some of the same ones in the movie) kept saying that kids in the church were falling away from the faith because the parents were giving their children over to the state to raise. The example Of Eli in 1 Samuel was used all the time. "Eli was a great guy but stank at being a parent. Look at what happened to him!" "The responsibility rests with the parents!!" was the message shouted from the "leaders". Now according to the trailer these same people are blaming it on the kids, the "Dropouts". "They don't appreciate what their parents did for them!" "They don't have a homeschool vision!" and so on. You know what I think? If these "kids" (most are grown now) saw their parents repent of their over sheltering, controlling, superior, holier then thou attitudes many of these kids would come back. If they knew that THEY were more important to their parents than how they "made the family look" trust would begin to be rebuilt. If these parents would repent of their legalism and performance mentality and rightfully valued their relationships with their kids we wouldn't be having so many problem. The problem is not with the "dropouts" the problem is with the parents for blindly following the teachings of inexperienced "leaders", for not checking themselves against scripture for idolizing the family and fearing man rather then God. This is not a "homeschool" issue this is a spiritual issue.

Michael Pearl wrote on this in his "Jumping Ship" articles. I like his take better. Even though I don't agree with every thing he teaches I think he is right on on this one.

Let me at 'em!!

So I'm young right? 22 almost 23. I'm still learning allot about my self. I feel God keeps opening my understanding to how he weaved me together. I'm becoming more aware of my weakness and more confident in my strengths.
Lately I have been seeing the "fighter" in me come out more. I don't know if it has come out enough for others to see but I think it will soon. I have always been one who defaults to the extreme, I just do. That is not always a good thing and the Lord has been teaching me where that is unhealthy. Balance in many areas is necessary, I have been learning what those areas are, and still have much to learn I'm sure.

After the last few births I've attended I feel the Lord reaffirming me in my calling. "Yes Shannon this is what I made you to do. It's ok to walk in it." After years of waiting and watching doors close and God say "not yet" I very cautiously dipped my big toe in to midwifery looking to God expecting Him to say "not yet kid" and have to pull back yet again. This time though He said "yes" so I took one step still expecting Him to say "ok that's enough for now I'm closing the door again" but He didn't, He told me to take another step, and another, and another. I can't tell you how good it feels to be able to obey doing something I love!!! Waiting can be hard but it is so worth it!

Last night I (actually God) started connecting dots. I felt God saying "you know that, all or nothing, go big or go home, reach for the stars, fight and conquer, thing I put in you? This (birth) is what I made that part of you for. That part of you that burns with passion for life. The part of you that has the audacity to look death in the face and say "Back off! This one's MINE!" I made that for such a time as this."

It is true that our strength can also be our weakness. My default to the extreme is truly my greatest weakness at times, but that is what refinement is for. When God tells us He wants to make us more in to the image of His Son He doesn't have to start over. He made us with allot of raw material that He is just waiting for us to surrender and get out of the way so He can clean off and polish to a shine (that reflects our totally awesome King of course!!).

It is true that my King has said no to me many times and closed many doors but my heart rests in the knowledge that He is good, and always will be!

I'm done...

I've had enough... living for my own, I'm ready to love.

So you know those movies or books were in the end there is a great Dragon to slay that has been terrorizing all the people? Every one is under ground shaking with fear while the hero is bound to kill the beast. He knows he can't stay in safety and kill the dragon so he chooses to lay down his safety to deliver justice to his people. There is always a moment where the dragon is coming and the hero must really decide if he is going to "play it safe" and hope it's enough or if he is going to kiss his life good bye and do the only thing that will really bring that monster down. All the good heros chose the latter.

So I've had enough of living in cages... I've grown up with people who try to tell me that living in the cages is more biblical. That it is ok to box our selves in and "be safe". What? Do any of you really think that by worrying you can add one more day to your life? I did not see Jesus living in a cage, I saw him loving. I saw him slaying that dragon laying down his life! Do you not know that if you love him you will keep his commandments? "oh" you say "But I do! I have raised my children in the way they should go! They know all about constitutional law, can play any instrument under the sun. I've taught my sons and daughters to dress modestly. My girls don't want to work out side the home they want to be wives and mothers. My boys want to run their own business. They know the Bible and can defend their faith. Our family dresses in fine clothing and set an example for the believers in word and deed."

Those aren't the commandments I remember my Lord speaking. "And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these." Mark 12:30-31

We do not know love, and do not follow our king because we like our cages. Our cages that we have painted like the out side world so that we can feel like we are really living. We for sure do not follow our King because he is up there slaying dragons and we might get hurt. Neither do we love our neighbor because he has blue hair and smells of pot and alcohol. We do not care for the widow and orphan because they are never seen around our cages. We do not give a cup of cold water because we might get dirty, if we step out of our safe zone. We shove a few dollars out the crack to ease our conscience but we do not really know love. Oh I'm sure your children could recite every verse on love to me but they do not know love. They sit pale and stagnant on their keys in their cages, while love is slaying dragons. Their eyes are void.

Do you know the Dragons that need slaying? Have you seen them? I have. I've seen poverty cruel jokes on the weak. I've seen oppressions lust for blood. One dragon I know you know is fear because other wise you would not have built your cages. Hate is a slithery one but I think you have met him because the gay man at your work feels rejected. There are sooo many more dragons to slay and I'm going to die any way. I'm not going to waist the last few days of my life "safe in a cage" I'm going to follow my King. I'm leaving behind health and safety for dirt, injury and yes I'll be killed, but I will know love. Love that is...

"... patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

We are going to die anyway. Let's not hold on to comfort and safety in vain, let us lay our lives down and go slay those dragons that need killing.

Will we love the way we have been loved?

Galatians 3:3 (New International Reader's Version) "3 Are you so foolish? You began with the Holy Spirit. Are you now trying to complete God's work in you by your own strength? "

I think if Paul were here now he could say the same to "us homeschoolers".

Oh you foolish homeschoolers, are you now trying to finish in the flesh that which was begun by the Spirit?

How many of us have bought in to the lie that we can "do it better", or that we are "doing it better" and then looked down our noses at those who are not "doing it good enough" whatever it might be. This greaves my heart.... HAVE WE FORGOT!?!?!?!?! We were once sinners, and Christ redeemed us!!!! WE CAN NOT ADD TO OUR RIGHTEOUSNESS!!!! That means... if a girl loves God and feels lead to go to collage and pursue a career she can and is no less right standing be for God then a girl who chooses to stay home. It also means that a family who loves God and sends their kids to school outside of the home is no less right before God then a family who homeschools. Also it means that a church that loves God and wants to serve Him who has woman in some leadership roles in no less right before God then a church with all men leadership.

We have to keep in mind what our priorities are... We first and foremost HAVE to love our God with all that we are. That means we have to look inward and be brutally honest and if we are not loving Him with all that we are then we need to drop everything else until we get that one right. When our hearts are fully given to Him, HE will turn our hearts to loving our neighbor and will enable us to first show them God's love, wherever they are at at that time regardless of us agreeing with them or not. Love does not have to be right. Jesus was right but laid it down for our sake because He loved us. We are called to the same kind of love. We will fail miserably if we try on our own. It must come out of our love for Him.

He has freely given us fierce mercy, will we not give the same to our brothers and sisters who are broken humans right along next to us?

Inner Healing Part 3

Ok so now to the Date vs. Court issue....

Let me say right off... I Have been a Court'n fan my whole life and still am. I am one of the only girls I know who has not read "I kissed Dating Good Bye" but I have listened to my far share of teachers on the subject and read all Ludy books. I totally jumped on the courtship band wagon back when I was 15 and have been on it ever since. However I have been noticing some unhealthy trends on this band wagon. 1st in the line up, is a feeling that it is ok to feel justified in being self righteous. We "Courters" know we are more right, do it better and love God more then all those wicked "daters". Although most of us would never say that I've seen it come out from just about every one I know who "Courts" including my self. 2nd is that we begin to separate our selves form those who aren't doing it good enough, (aka Dating). Growing up I have seen a few (not a lot because I have always hung out with the more right "courters") relationships where the couple dated loved the Lord followed His leading and have an awesome marriage.(shocking I know) We are missing out on seeing God do stuff because once again we are to worried about following all the right rules then we are about following our King. 3rd We are obsessed with eliminating risk. New Flash "God created risk!" In the Garden at the beginning of time God allowed risk to be set before Adam and Eve.

Now I totally agree with what I would assume are the universal, across the board undisputable principles of modern courtship:
1. The motive of courtship is to find a spouse. It's not just for fun.
2. The man initiates.
3. Commitment precedes intimacy.

We have taken these principles and tried to define them with rules of which we all have our different set. That is just what the Pharisees and Sadducees did with the law, and in so doing missed the heart of God. We are first and foremost called to love our God with all that we are. We are called to live in relationship with Him and through our relationship with Him He guides us and directs us. I have come to a place were I feel free to go against the norm of homeschool courtship and follow were My King may lead. If tomorrow I met a godly young man in whom I see maturity and a love for the Lord above all else in his life, and he just so happens to ask me out on a date/out for coffee I would say yes. I would keep those three principles in mind and watch to see if that is were his heart is as well. Now would I like it if He talked to my Dad first? Absolutely!! But I'm not going to put him or God in a box. He may not have been raised the same way I was. If he is a man of godly character I don't want to write him off just because he didn't follow the traditions I grew up with. At 15 I would have written him off as not good enough and been very guilty of a great sin against my brother.

I've decided it's time for me to grow up and realize I don't have it all figured out. God often likes to bust our boxes and I want to be open to Him if my box needs to be busted. I have freedom in Christ to follow Him and leave behind traditions of men. (and boy it feels good!)

I'm a Midwife

I'm a midwife student at the moment but I will one day be a Certified Professional Midwife. Registered in North America and have a license to practice home birth. The Lord has already made it very clear to me though that I am a midwife. I am called there for I am. I have been made, set up, fashioned and set on earth for this purpose. Midwives walk with woman through thick and thin, life and death.

Today I went to a funeral service for a baby that was born to one of our clients with severe Ebstein's Anomaly. A congenital heart defect that caused death 9 hours after birth. I was amazed as I watched the family greave but at the same time rejoice and be thankful for the time they had with their sweet baby girl. No hint of bitterness was ever seen. They loved their God too much to be bitter or angry at Him.

This is my calling... To be a Midwife. I'm trusted with the most sacred:' Life'. My hands were made to touch, guide and protect life. In this world I will also see and touch death, but I do not fear death.

Where is your sting death? Were is your hurt? You have lost your power, I fear you no more. I was made to be a Midwife.

Inner Healing Part 2

This past December my brother and I went to Kansas City to attend IHOP's Onething conference. I admit I was a little nervous and on guard not knowing what all these crazy people were up to with all this "awakening" stuff going on. All I knew was that I loved Misty Edwards worship CD's and that I wanted to get always to be able to just focus on the Lord. As a Pastors Kid of a family integrated church that is all homeschoolers I was use to different kinds of events. I got there the first day I loved it!!! Worship was awesome I could dance if I wanted to, I felt so free. The second day my "homeschooler mind" turned on "Wait a minuet." I thought, " They are having a separate services for the Kids... can God still work and move here?" "They are letting woman lead worship and even share from there lives what they have seen God do. They aren't all wearing dresses. Can God still work here?" I found the answer to be a resounding YES! In fact God worked in me of all people, the perfect homeschooler who had it all together. I realized while I was there that I did a lot of what I did because I feared man. I subjected my self to carry a burden I was not meant to bare. I feared what people would say about me. I knew God was calling me in to missions and midwifery and I had submitted it to my parents and they agreed and fully supported me but I was scared to tell people I was going over sees because I would get all the "but your not going to be under your Fathers covering!" comments. (nobody asked my Dad if I was going with his blessing or not, they just assume I didn't have it) So I kept it to my self for a long time. I didn't dress the way I liked because I was afraid I would get the turned up noses form homescool moms and daughter. (I don't like dressing normal it's boring ) So while I'm trying to make sense of all this sitting at Onething the Lord opened my eyes. I began to see that although these people didn't have their kids in with them, and they dressed different then most people I know and that although woman were leading worship and sharing, they had one thing right. They LOVE HIM. Just for who He is. They are content to sit for hours and hours and days and days at His feet, just because. The songs they wrote reflected love so deep, passionate and pure that the love I offered paled. I also saw again and again that they were given fully to the Lord. They really would and have done anything He has asked of them. With joy and gladness, not because they mustered up enough strength on their own but because they were truly in love with Him and nothing was to great for Him to ask. I also saw that the Lord is using them in ways I know He wants to use us. I got the strange feeling that we missed His voice because we were listening to our favorite homeschool teachers instead of Him.

The Lord is doing things in this earth. He is bringing down abortion. His is redeeming people from every people. The nations are coming to Him in droves. He is setting the captives free. He is freeing young girls from prostitution. He is setting Men free from addictions. He is healing hearts that have not wanted to live. And we are missing it because we care more about whether girls should go to collage or not then we care about the lost and dying. We are afraid to get our hands dirty and serve the homeless and the prostitutes. We worry more about our lives, our families, our houses, getting our lives perfect then we care about laying down our lives for our brother(who just might have blue hair and dress in black. You can love Jesus and have blue hair your whole life.) It is for Freedom that He set us free!!! The leaven of the Pharisees has gotten us good and we don't even see it. I for one am ready to leave it all behind. I'm ready to turn my ear from other teachers and listen to my King first and foremost. I'm ready to get my hands dirty and live with people the way Jesus did. I'm ready to look homosexuals and the eye and see a lost soul that my Lord loves. I'm ready to pray hard. I'm ready to fight for the lives of the unborn, and I want to fight with my fellow homeschoolers. Please come with me.

Take a moment...

Take a moment right now to look at your finger tips and maybe you toes too. Marvel at the fact that they work, that you heart and lungs began to work that moment you were born, that your tinny little heart and lungs that had never tired using air before tired their first try when you were born and did it! They worked just right... maybe they needed a little help but they did it and have been doing it ever since. When Babies are born with defects that cause them to die shortly after birth we often ask "Why God? Why did you let this happen?" Yet we take for granted all the times it doesn't happen. We forget that it didn't happen to us. We forget that we work perfectly. In a fallen world things just don't always work, and that it is a miracle that it does work as often as it does. So take a breath and watch all that oxygen get to all the way out to your fingers and Thank God that you work.

Inner healing Part 1

So I was homeschooled right? So I am of the first generation of guinea pigs. I am the first born and so I am a double guinea pig. All you first borns know what I'm talking about. As I said before I loved being home schooled and wouldn't change it for anything. But... being homeschooled has dealt it's blows. I am just now coming to a place in life were I KNOW that I KNOW that I am free in Christ.

When I use to hear people say we are free in Christ my mind use to go strait to "well yeah but....we have to still do this or that or He won't really be pleased with us..." I finding that to be FALSE!!!!!!!!!!!! Now hear me out... Our Lord approves of us fully if we are in Christ. Under His blood we are completely approved of. If we could not earn His approval before while we were sinner what makes us think we could earn any more now????? BUT!! (my homeschooler mind use to say) God really isn't pleased with us if we don't wear skirts all the time. BUT...God wouldn't approve if we sent our kids to public school. BUT...God doesn't like it when we date and don't court. BUT... God would be disappointed in us if didn't go to a family integrated church. BUT... many more things.... and many more "BUTS" I am coming to see in many areas in life we have become just like the Pharisees. We have held our rules above His. Jesus said so clearly, the greatest commandment is to LOVE the Lord your God with all your heart all you soul and with all your mind. And if we love Him we will keep HIS commandment (not ours) His commandments are to FIRST and FOR MOST love Him then all the other commandments will come out of us FIRST LOVING HIM... what are the commandments that are top on the list? Love others, take care of the widow and orphan, preach the gospel. If we are dressing a certain way, following certain traditions of men, if we have more teachings of "homeschool leaders" in our minds then the words of OUR GOD, then we are not truly living a Christian life and should question if we really truly know our Savior. Under HIS blood we are totally and completely approved of and we can not change that!!! Hard stuff I know but I have a news flash for all of us "WE ARE THE GROWN UPS NOW" The way our parents raised us needs to be brought in to question and see if it lines up ALL THE WAY with Scripture. If not we need to make some changes, while being careful to not throw the baby out with the bath water.

Those are my thought for now, more will follow.

Coming soon: Inner healing I needed from growing up in the homeschool movement

Here is a preview: Let me say right out clear, first and formost. I LOVED BEING HOMESCHOOLED!!!! LOVED IT!! and I do plan on homeschooling ALL of my kids ALL the way through.(you won't catch me throwing my babies to the wolves) I have just come to see and been healed of alot of baggage and hurt I have recived from growing up in the homeschool movement. After talking with some of my freinds who were also homeschooled I have come to see I'm not the only one...